• So Why the Blog Title?

Gay and Evangelical

~ Mutually Exclusive?

Gay and Evangelical

Tag Archives: insecurity

The Joys of a Hug (or two)

03 Friday Jun 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Personal

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

experience, friendship, homosexuality, insecurity, loneliness, sexual sin, sexuality

Disclaimer: I don’t know about other strugglers’ personal space, and I’m certain that some folks are uncomfortable with hugs and physical touch. In writing this post, I’m simply conveying my own desires and how they help and hurt my own walk with Christ.

Last night, I went with some seminary folks to a brewery here in town where they serve $2 pitchers on Thursday nights. It’s becoming tradition to sit and talk about one’s week over a glass or two of beer and relax with friends. The conversation is always animated and a lot of fun.

Two guys who are friends but whom I haven’t seen in a while were there. We got caught up on each others’ lives and laughed a little, talked seriously a little. At the end of the night, the two of them hugged me goodbye. Reader, that may seem like a small gesture to you, but it isn’t insignificant to me.

Continue reading →

Creativity and Dissatisfaction

23 Monday May 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Personal

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

creativity, insecurity, music

Just finished an arrangement of a hymn I wrote that will be introduced for corporate worship during the offertory next month. I never quite know what to make of what I create, least of all, this particular hymn.

I am, in my own estimation, a very frustrated lyricist. This particular hymn seems to be something which is an anomaly, since I’m actually pleased with the lyrics as they stand. I may add a verse to what I currently have at some point, but beyond that I like what I’ve written. I wrote the first three verses while my pastor preached out of Psalm 1 and wrote the final verse while sitting beside a lake later that afternoon. I’m glad I live in an age of podcasts so I could go back and listen to what the pastor actually said. 😉

Continue reading →

My next sermon

08 Tuesday Mar 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Personal

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

friends, Gospel, homosexuality, insecurity, relationships, sexuality

My next sermon’s text is Romans 4:1-12. I plan to discuss as my two main points the wages of the law vs. the gift of faith. Now that I have some potential direction, I can start to work on other things. Fortunately, this means I only have to have four illustrations total, instead of the customary five.

Continue reading →

Maybe it’s just me

23 Sunday Jan 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Personal

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

fear, friendship, insecurity, loneliness, relationships

A short, late-night musing.

I suppose a person who has as many friends (and even more acquaintances) as I do, this sort of thing is bound to happen.  I maybe three or four friends right now who I will text and who won’t text back…or they text me, I ask them a question in return, and they won’t text back.

Or something along these lines.

Continue reading →

Snow Is Falling

24 Friday Dec 2010

Posted by David L. Gill in Personal

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Christmas, insecurity, loneliness, relationships

I’m a bit of a grinch when it comes to Christmas.  The big holiday in my family has always been Thanksgiving.  We go and visit extended family, see people we don’t really know that well and eat until we almost go into a coma.  It’s everything anyone could want, from pies to turkey to arguments over breakfast.

Continue reading →

And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn…

26 Friday Nov 2010

Posted by David L. Gill in Personal

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

family, insecurity, loneliness, relationships

One of my favorite hymns of all time has part of its root in Psalm 71:17-18:

17O God, from my youth you have taught me,
and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds.
18So even to old age and gray hairs,
O God, do not forsake me,
until I proclaim your might to another generation,
your power to all those to come.
19Your righteousness, O God,
reaches the high heavens.
You who have done great things,
O God, who is like you?

The hymn is “How Firm a Foundation.” The sixth verse reads:

Even down to old age all my people shall prove
My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love
And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn
Like lambs they shall still to my bosom be borne.

Thanksgiving is always an interesting holiday for me.  This year, I graduated to “adult” status at the dinner in Elwood, IN, because the coordinator asked me to pray before the meal started.

Continue reading →

A Psalm 88 kinda day

19 Tuesday Oct 2010

Posted by David L. Gill in Personal, Theology

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

insecurity, loneliness, prayer, preaching, psalms, relationships, Scripture, sexual sin, worship

Psalm 88

I Cry Out Day and Night Before You
A Song. A Psalm of the Sons of Korah. To the choirmaster: according to Mahalath Leannoth. A Maskil of Heman the Ezrahite.

1O LORD, God of my salvation;
I cry out day and night before you.
2Let my prayer come before you;
incline your ear to my cry!
3For my soul is full of troubles,
and my life draws near to Sheol.
4I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am a man who has no strength,
5like one set loose among the dead,
like the slain that lie in the grave,
like those whom you remember no more,
for they are cut off from your hand.

Psalm 88 has long been one of my two favorite psalms of lament.  The other, a close second, is Psalm 13.

Today’s lament really started in earnest yesterday afternoon.  I was driving away from school and there was a runner with an amazing body standing at the intersection that I didn’t just lust over…I was full-on envious.

Then this morning, I saw two or three guys who I find myself being very intimidated by at chapel.  They seem very articulate and talented and like they’ll be good pastors.  And they’re all really attractive on top of all of that.  And they wear that attractiveness like it doesn’t really matter to them…they could take or leave it.

Oh, to be that bold.  To have the security to hold one’s looks loosely in one’s hand like they seem to…it’s a pretty impossible task.  How many idols have I just rattled off? Probably five or six.

I just feel very alone; I couldn’t really concentrate in Sermon Preparation & Delivery today…I sort of phased in and out on what the sub would say (though he had excellent things to say, and the stuff I did hear seemed very insightful).  If there’s one class I never check out of, it’s Prep and Del.  But I just couldn’t focus.

I unfriended someone on Facebook this morning.  The past few times I’ve gone to his page to see what he’s up to, he and his cute boyfriend are all over the place.  The guy himself looks like a model. I get that life isn’t fair…but like Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes fame), I ask, “but why can’t it ever be unfair in my favor?”

Continue reading →

The Unfortunate Reminder

20 Sunday Jun 2010

Posted by David L. Gill in Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

best friend, experience, friendship, homosexuality, insecurity, loneliness

Alert: this is another gut-level post. You’ve been warned.

So, I’m watching New Moon whilst drinking a Vanilla Coke.  And the scene just went by where Bella says something to the effect of, “the pain is the only thing that makes him feel like he was real.”  Edward has, immediately previous to this scene left Forks (where Bella lives) and removed all evidence he was ever there in her life.

Sometimes that’s what I feel like.  I once had a friend…my best friend.  I wasn’t attracted to him, but I loved him.  I would’ve moved half-way across the country for him.  I’d take a bullet for him.

Continue reading →

The Trouble With Attention

08 Thursday Apr 2010

Posted by David L. Gill in Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

experience, Gospel, homosexuality, insecurity, loneliness

I’m just about as insecure as the next guy. I mean, I hold my own in a discussion, I conduct choirs and orchestras with a minimum of challenges, I speak in front of groups about the Bible with no trouble at all, I can even handle a classroom full of junior high kids for 80 minutes at a time.

But I’ve never gotten past the idea I have about my being physically undesirable.  It’s terribly difficult to put myself in situations to ask out girls (which I’ve done three times in my life, being shot down very recently without even as much as a second hearing).  I just never think any girl alive (or even guy for that matter) would ever want me. I would categorize myself as clumsy and awkward, even though most people would probably label me as confident.

Continue reading →

Angry at God

01 Tuesday Dec 2009

Posted by David L. Gill in Uncategorized

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

culture, experience, Gospel, homosexuality, insecurity, relationships, repentance, theology

I was a teacher for a while in public schools.  My student teaching experience was in an affluent community comprised of white, Jewish and students of international origin.  The kids were all descendants of doctors, lawyers and community pillars of some sort or other.  My teaching experience was in a district which was predominantly low-income, one parent (grandparent, that is) families.

Continue reading →

Newer posts →

Search My Blog

Archive

Gay and Evangelical

RSS Feed RSS - Posts

RSS Feed RSS - Comments

Top Posts

  • Jesus Likes Me, This I Know
  • National Coming Out Day, 2020
  • Scripture & Prayer, 20200211
  • Scripture & Prayer, 20200128
  • Bible Study #1: 1 Peter 1
  • Scripture & Prayer, 20200121
  • St. Aelred Liturgy 2020
  • Gay Celibacy and Relational Capital
  • A Fulfilled Life
  • Gay Exhaustion

Topics I Discuss

assurance of pardon best friend books Bryan Chapell C. F. W. Walther C. H. Spurgeon Calvinism celibacy Christianity Christmas church discipline confession conversion culture Dan Savage dating depression despair emotions encouragement experience false teaching family fear friends friendship gay Gay Christians Gospel heterosexuality holiness homosexuality hope hymns insecurity Jesus judgment Law leadership lesbian Liturgy loneliness love Luke Lutheranism Mark marriage Martin Luther ministry mourning music Paul politics prayer preaching psalms Reformed Theology relationships repentance Rod Rosenbladt Romans sanctification science Scripture seminary sexuality sexual sin sin teaching temptation theology Watson witnessing work worship

Website Powered by WordPress.com.

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Gay and Evangelical
    • Join 189 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Gay and Evangelical
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

You must be logged in to post a comment.