I’m just about as insecure as the next guy. I mean, I hold my own in a discussion, I conduct choirs and orchestras with a minimum of challenges, I speak in front of groups about the Bible with no trouble at all, I can even handle a classroom full of junior high kids for 80 minutes at a time.
But I’ve never gotten past the idea I have about my being physically undesirable. It’s terribly difficult to put myself in situations to ask out girls (which I’ve done three times in my life, being shot down very recently without even as much as a second hearing). I just never think any girl alive (or even guy for that matter) would ever want me. I would categorize myself as clumsy and awkward, even though most people would probably label me as confident.
So when a guy gives me attention, whether it’s questionable or not, I tend to freak out a little. If it’s overt and crass, it’s very easy to dismiss. But if it’s more subtle and relational…that’s a bit more of a challenge.
This is not just my problem as a man attracted to other men. Some of my straight friends have echoed their insecurities and their susceptibility to attention from, in their case, the opposite sex. So what’s a man to do?
First, and probably hardest, is to flee the temptation. When you feel starved for affection (and I’m not just talking physical here, folks), it’s hard to push that away. It doesn’t always involve running and screaming from the room, either. What it does seem to involve is removing oneself at the very least emotionally and by making that tough decision to live out of the Gospel: that is, to renounce one’s sinful desires for the one through whom our sanctification comes, namely, Christ. This isn’t a rejection borne of behavior modification, but rather one which is a fruit of repentance which will demonstrate itself in the life of the believer. This is crucial. Anything else is simply a white-washed white-knuckled affair that is not biblical repentance.
Second, is confession of sin. Confession of sin to others is vital. It helps to keep one free of the enticing comfort of secret sin. Secret sin seems all the more sweet because one can appear to be a wonderful, upstanding saint if no one knows the dark recesses of one’s depravity. Confession also keeps us humble, for by shining the light of accountability into the dark corners of our soul, we can never begin to think we’re pulling this Christian life off without a hitch. Indeed, we will be shown the opposite and such ugliness will drive us to the feet of Him who washed us in His blood.
The Gospel is everything. Repent and believe that Christ died for your sin. I’m not appealing to your will…I’m making an incredible statement which, if the Lord sees fit, will be used by the Spirit to regenerate someone.
Ryan Gill said:
VERY well written.
Agreed — Very well written. One of my favorite Psalm is Psalm 19:12-14, which says:
“Who can discern his error? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgressions. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”
Fleeing from sin is a very hard thing to do, especially if it is something that is feeding into a deep desire of yours. David, may the Lord bless you and your blog — it is very encouraging.
Really like this post.
Yea I know the feeling of being drawn to temptation when starved of affection. When those thoughts and impulses come I have to learn to just start praying immediately for Jesus to help me to resist and I have to rebuke those thoughts and temptations. And sadly I know all about hiding sins. I hate how it makes me feel like a hypocrite and how others may think I am a better man then I really am. Of least for now I can confess on my blog but hopefully someday I can drudge up the courage to admit my SSA related sins to others.
I also want to say that all of your posts are so well thought out and insightful. I usually have to read them 2 or 3 times there is so much great stuff in them that I miss the first time! I really appreciate the time you take doing this as it sounds like you are a very busy person! I just want you to know I have learned so much from here already. God is really using this blog to help others! So keep up the good work!
Also I sensed from the first part of your post that you seem to be discouraged about the recent rejection from a girl so I am going to be praying for you. Dont lose hope! Maybe God is just waiting to bring you the girl He wants for you and does not want you distracted until the perfect one is in your life.
You always bring everything back to the gospel…
Thanks for that.
I agree with all the previous posts. You have incredibly well thought out and well written (unlike myself) posts that are scripturally based and relevant to everyone.
I also think that the discouragement you mentioned should not bring you down. If (I do not believe it is the case) no woman found you attractive and that stopped them from wanting to pursue a relationship with you despite your strong faith and awesome personality that would be an indication that they are not looking for the right things anyway and should not waste your time.
I also agree with what Andy said. God is just keeping your slate clean for mrs right. I was raised with the belief that dating as most people view it was not correct and have therefore never dated. I have in my life only had semi to strong feelings for probably three women. I have only revealed my feelings to one and God has not deemed the time right for me to pursue such a relationship (according to the response I have received as well). I am (at times impatiently) waiting for God’s timing and will. I think I know what I want at times but God knows what we need and it is infinitely greater than anything that we could ever imagine.
I do not completely understand everything you are going through (how can anyone ever completely understand what someone else is going through?) but I do know how you feel in many ways. Keep patiently waiting on God’s perfect time. God Bless You and your continuing journey to draw closer to God.
Pingback: God's Love – Our Witness » The trouble with attention