Tag Archives: prayer

“You’ll Make a Good Pastor.”

20 Sunday Jan 2013

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This morning, I woke up after having stayed up way too late with two friends of mine…one Catholic and the other Baptist…talking about theology and liturgy (and of course, Mary). I had a headache, but I pulled my prayer book (the one I just recently purchased from CPO in Springfield, MO…published by Concordia) out and prayed one of the prayers for Sunday morning.

I dragged myself to church this morning. I was feeling really low. I literally sat at my desk at 11:20 (5 min. after church had started, 10 min. away), and thought, “What’s the use?”

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What Hope Is There?

17 Monday Dec 2012

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My church had a lessons and carols service last night. What is that? you may ask.

Briefly, it’s a service that’s structured around readings from Old and New Testament passages which talk about the promise of a Savior. It’s something Presbyterian churches (and I’m sure other traditions as well) this time of year.

revelationOne of the readings that was done came from Revelation 22. I cried.

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The Life Look

16 Friday Nov 2012

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Christ, Sustainer and Redeemer of all that is:

I want no other rock to build upon than I have in You.

Forgive me if I have tried to add anything to the one foundation.

Forgive my hesitancy to carry out the good works You have given me to do.

Give me absolution through Your Word and by Your Spirit: tell me that my sins are so far removed from me that they have no power over me.

Grant that I would serve my friends and neighbors well, even in the midst of hope or despair, to the glory of Your Name.

Amen.

Reigning Sin

19 Friday Oct 2012

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There is a total difference between surviving sin and reigning sin, the regenerate in conflict with sin and the unregenerate complacent with sin. It is one thing for sin to live in us; it is another for us to live in sin.

–John Murray, Redemption Accomplished and Applied (Eerdmans 1955), 145

I am baptized into Christ’s death, John Chrysostom tells me, by virtue of dying as Christ did.

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Gospel Ministry in a Less-than-awesome Environment

03 Thursday May 2012

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In light of my previous post about an abusive church environment, at least one person has rightly pointed out that no one forced me to stay as long as I did. One of the reasons I stayed as long as I did was that there was work to do for the sake of the Gospel…and most of the work, I did alongside the very people who didn’t particularly want me there. But they, and I, wanted to see the Gospel go forth. They and I are creatures of inconsistency, and I have at least as many idols as most people–but probably more. Continue reading →

There’ll Be Some Changes Made

13 Wednesday Jul 2011

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One of the promises of the Gospel is that we will be conformed to the image of Christ. This is our sanctification and ordinarily looks like our disliking our sin progressively and loving the fact that we are being made holy by the Spirit of Christ. We look progressively like Him. It’s a little more complicated (read: a LOT more complicated) than getting better every day, but that’s sort of a general thrust of the thing.

Last night, I visited a bar and realized I wasn’t very happy while I was there. I was conscious of my inadequacies and my lust. I wanted almost nothing to do with homosexuality, while at the same time wanting everything to do with it. And, as we know, a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. So there was a lot of tension last night between what I wanted and didn’t want, all at the same time.

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Do Not Love the World?

26 Thursday May 2011

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Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world— the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

–1 John 2:15-17, ESV

And yet again, I’m struck by the way the Scriptures read me. They say things about me that I would never want anyone to know.

The desires of the flesh, desires of the eyes, and pride in possessions–these are my sins. Obviously, they aren’t my only sins. Still, they represent a large quantity of the presence of sin in my life. And with one mind, double-mindedly, I want those things and I want them removed. I find myself in the classical Pauline Dilema, a la Romans 7 all over again. That which I do not want to do, I do. That which I want to do, I do not.

I see things…and I want them. I see a nice set of furniture…an expensive turntable…a nicer car. By grace I’m learning to want Christ more.

I desire physical touch (even inappropriate touch) and sometimes it’s an idolatrous desire. Physical touch isn’t bad, nor do I think I have to somehow deprive myself of it for aesthetic reasons. Simply put, I crave it more than I want God’s design for me, which is chastity (since I’m single).

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A Plea for Men’s Souls

19 Tuesday Apr 2011

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From Spurgeon:

Charles H. Spurgeon

When men change [their opinions about the truth] often they generally need to be changed in the most emphatic sense. Our “modern thought” gentry are doing incalculable mischief to the souls of men, and resemble Nero fiddling on top of a tower with Rome burning at his feet.

Souls are being damned, and yet these men are spinning theories. Hell gapes wide, and with her open jaws swallows up myriads, and those who should spread the tidings of salvation are “pursuing fresh lines of thought.” Highly cultured soul-murderers will find their boasted “culture” to be no excuse in the day of judgment.

from Lecture #15.

Let’s pray for those who seem to fall into this category in our day and age. Perhaps God might grant them (and me) repentance. Them, for their fresh lines of thought–and me, for failing to pray for them previously.

A Psalm 88 kinda day

19 Tuesday Oct 2010

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Psalm 88

I Cry Out Day and Night Before You
A Song. A Psalm of the Sons of Korah. To the choirmaster: according to Mahalath Leannoth. A Maskil of Heman the Ezrahite.

1O LORD, God of my salvation;
I cry out day and night before you.
2Let my prayer come before you;
incline your ear to my cry!
3For my soul is full of troubles,
and my life draws near to Sheol.
4I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am a man who has no strength,
5like one set loose among the dead,
like the slain that lie in the grave,
like those whom you remember no more,
for they are cut off from your hand.

Psalm 88 has long been one of my two favorite psalms of lament.  The other, a close second, is Psalm 13.

Today’s lament really started in earnest yesterday afternoon.  I was driving away from school and there was a runner with an amazing body standing at the intersection that I didn’t just lust over…I was full-on envious.

Then this morning, I saw two or three guys who I find myself being very intimidated by at chapel.  They seem very articulate and talented and like they’ll be good pastors.  And they’re all really attractive on top of all of that.  And they wear that attractiveness like it doesn’t really matter to them…they could take or leave it.

Oh, to be that bold.  To have the security to hold one’s looks loosely in one’s hand like they seem to…it’s a pretty impossible task.  How many idols have I just rattled off? Probably five or six.

I just feel very alone; I couldn’t really concentrate in Sermon Preparation & Delivery today…I sort of phased in and out on what the sub would say (though he had excellent things to say, and the stuff I did hear seemed very insightful).  If there’s one class I never check out of, it’s Prep and Del.  But I just couldn’t focus.

I unfriended someone on Facebook this morning.  The past few times I’ve gone to his page to see what he’s up to, he and his cute boyfriend are all over the place.  The guy himself looks like a model. I get that life isn’t fair…but like Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes fame), I ask, “but why can’t it ever be unfair in my favor?”

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