27 Tuesday Aug 2019
Posted in Christianity, Personal, Theology
I have a public service announcement for all the celigaybies* out there:
I suspect that at least some of my readers wrestle with how to keep their families and manage those family members’ expectations of them. I suspect also that there are many for whom the reasons they choose celibacy are cloudy sometimes. I resonate with that very deeply; I’m simply trying to turn on some fans to disperse the smoke so that others might see clearly.
Continue reading29 Saturday Jun 2019
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“The task we have to face is the same, whether we are married or single: To live a fulfilled life in spite of many unfulfilled desires.” —Walter Trobisch
Recently, I finished reading the book Loves Me, Loves Me Not: The Ethics of Unrequited Love, by Dr. Laura A. Smit (Baker, 2005). She is giving me a lot to chew on as I think about my own journey of crushes, love, loss, and friendship.
One section which stands out to me addresses whether to tell someone you love them. Dr. Smit says:
Continue reading01 Friday Feb 2019
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Folks often ask me how I’m doing. It’s a safe way of starting a conversation that won’t stall out in small talk about the weather or degenerate into a shouting match about politics.
More often than not, I tell people that I’m tired. There are multiple reasons I’m tired these days. Anxiety causes sleep to be inferior. Also, anyone with as many friendships as I find myself having has a lot of relational strain to deal with because people are people and I’m me. If you know me in person and we haven’t had it out yet, relax. We will.
The type of tired I’m thinking about today is “gay exhaustion.” This is something I find working in tandem with all the other anxiety in my life. Here’s what I think it looks like:
Continue reading24 Thursday Jan 2019
I’ve been thinking a lot about gay respectability lately, due to a friend posting a meme in a Facebook group, asking folks to deconstruct it. Here’s the meme:
I think there’s a few things wrong with this, but let’s first give this the most charitable reading possible: “I want to be friends with someone who is pleasant to be with and talk to. I want to know the person behind the presentation.”
I think that’s a fine thing to want. The friends I have are folks with whom I can be vulnerable and they can be vulnerable with me. One friend works out a lot but isn’t some kind of self-absorbed muscle queen. Another friend is very introverted but isn’t self-absorbed.
11 Thursday Oct 2018
Posted in Christianity, Personal
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I grew up in a home where anything related to coming out was met with a sneer. “Why do they have to force their sexual depravity on us?” was a common refrain in discussions. From the time that I began actually dealing with the fact that my sexual attractions and my experience of the world just didn’t fit the narrative which my friends and relatives seemed all-too-comfortable in, I weighed the options of coming out.
For years, I refused. My freshman year of college, I was asked point-blank by a friend in marching band: “Are you gay?” I told him no. I had reasons, of course. Being a conservative Christian, I wasn’t actually gay because I wasn’t sleeping with men. I was same-sex attracted and was attempting to be free from the curse thereof through prayer, accountability, and just plain perseverance.
There is nothing at all wrong with any of those three things. It was, for me, a misguided attempt to grapple with reality as I found it.
04 Saturday Jun 2016
Posted in Personal
I graduated from seminary in May, 2015, but I still live in town. I keep up with seminary friends who are still in classes, so a group of us get together regularly at a local dive bar for cheap beer and toasted ravioli. (If you’ve not heard of it before, it’s deep fried, breaded ravioli. Marvelous stuff. It’s a St. Louis thing.)
One of my friends told me about a guy who was going to come to the bar to hang out with the group. “He’s in his early 30s, gay, celibate, and a Christian,” said my friend. I have to admit that I thought, “Early 30s and celibate? He’s probably awkward and ugly.” Continue reading
15 Saturday Nov 2014
Posted in Christianity, Personal, Theology
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emotions, experience, friendship, Gospel, homosexuality, loneliness, Romans, Scripture, sexual sin, sexuality, sin, temptation, witnessing
A couple of days ago, one of my classmates sent me a PM through Twitter, asking me my thoughts about Andrew Wilson’s recent piece for ThinkTheology. We PMed back and forth on the subject, but as I was at work (sorry, boss), I couldn’t think it through as it deserved. Now seemed like a good time.
23 Thursday Oct 2014
Posted in Uncategorized
This is a fabulous post by someone I’ve been acquainted with for almost seven years. She gives voice to things I’ve felt for a long time.
17 Thursday Jul 2014
Posted in Christianity, Personal, Politics, Theology
Tags
friendship, homosexuality, interview, loneliness, podcast appearance, politics, relationships, repentance, sanctification, sexuality, theology
Tanner & Les.
Two really cool guys had me on their podcast (The Reformed Pubcast) recently. They’re Calvinists who talk about Arminians, theology, and beer. But at minute 23 of this week’s podcast, they talked with me about being Gay and Evangelical.
The reaction on the blog has been mixed, but I think is largely good. I have a sense that hearing from a real-life Calvinist who wrestles with his sexuality and identifies as gay (but with the qualification that he is celibate unless he marries a woman at some point) is utterly foreign territory to some. That’s ok…and if you’re visiting from the Pub, welcome!
One question I was asked on the Facebook group has to do with whether or not the word “love” can be used for me to talk about those to whom I’m attracted. I’m well aware of popular Calvinistic teachers who do not like for the word “love” be associated with anything same-sex related. However, since I was asked why I used the word love, this is what I replied. I share it here because I imagine that there are many people who would secretly ask the same question.
29 Saturday Mar 2014
Posted in Christianity, Politics, Theology
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Christianity, conservative Christianity, controversy, Gay marriage, homosexuality, marriage, sexuality, World Vision
Couldn’t have put it better than Julie did. This is a must-read.
