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A short, late-night musing.

I suppose a person who has as many friends (and even more acquaintances) as I do, this sort of thing is bound to happen.  I maybe three or four friends right now who I will text and who won’t text back…or they text me, I ask them a question in return, and they won’t text back.

Or something along these lines.

Maybe to some people, it’s ok not to respond.  And maybe these folks have legitimate reasons for not doing so in the moment…something is going on that they have to attend to, or they’re preoccupied so it’s amazing I heard from them to begin with.

But it seems to be a habit with some of them.  (This isn’t a rant at all, interestingly enough.)  However, I do know that it makes me feel any number of things, none of which are positive.  These are guys I really love as friends and I want to feel loved in return, but when this happens, I feel slighted and hurt.

Second, only slightly related musing:  I think I’m afraid a lot.  I’m afraid of being alone to the point where I have to surround myself with people all of the time in order to not be gripped by fear.  Only in rare circumstances with a good book does being by myself not freak me out completely.  I’m afraid of my best friends abandoning me.  I’m afraid friends won’t call me.  I’m afraid that people I’ve bared my raw emotions to won’t call me when they come back to town.

Let’s call one of them Greg (since that’s not his name).  I have no idea if he’s come back to town…and right now, I’m just tired of chasing people around.  It’s not been a really back Christmas Break, but I’m still just tired.  I want people to call me. Other people who are not Greg have called me, which I’m grateful for. But I want Greg to call…to be interested in hanging out.

Interestingly enough, there are at least 2 or 3 people who would fit this category. Again…maybe I expect too much. I really want Greg to want to spend time with me. I want to hear about his vacation. But I’m tired of always initiating. And I’m scared they won’t ever call.

Some raw stuff here, I guess.