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Author Archives: David L. Gill

Temptation and Consequence

26 Wednesday Oct 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Uncategorized

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temptation, Tim Challies, unexpected experience

Blogger Tim Challies wrote a great piece on temptation. I recommend you read it.

I had an unusual and unexpected experience on Sunday—one that struck me as rather significant. I have been doing quite a bit of preaching at Grace Fellowship Church and elsewhere and knew that Sunday marked the last time I would have to prepare a fresh sermon until the end of the calendar year. Somehow this made me feel like I would be crossing a finish line when the service came to a close. It was a milestone I was looking forward to as it will allow me to focus on some other things for a while (good things, ministry things, but not preaching things).

I finished the sermon—quite an emotional and difficult one for me—and, after the service, was greeting people and then doing whatever else needs to be done at the close of a service. Very suddenly, and very unexpectedly, I was faced with a temptation to sin—to commit a sin to which I am particularly prone. I will not tell you what that sin is because I fear it would detract from what I am writing here. It could be envy or lust or fear of man or idolatry or any of the sins we find ourselves particularly drawn to. It is a sin for which I have experienced the Lord’s grace so that I am usually able to redirect my heart, at least in the moments that I am eager to honor God. And that is what I did. I saw the temptation to sin and immediately directed my heart to something better.

But then something happened. I don’t even know how this can happen, but in just a brief second, less than a second, a thought flashed through my mind. It was something like this: “Come on now. You’ve finished preaching, so go ahead and indulge. God won’t punish you now.” It stopped me dead in my tracks for a moment. It was an ugly thought and one that somehow seemed extrinisic to me. I truly don’t know where it came from. At least, I don’t think I’ve ever thought that before.

Read the rest of the article.

What if there was a girl?

24 Monday Oct 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Personal

≈ 15 Comments

Tags

dating, experience, friendship, Gospel, homosexuality, insecurity, loneliness, relationships, sanctification, sexuality

There sort of is. I’ve taken a wonderful young lady out on several dates in the last month and a half or so. I enjoy being with her and she seems to enjoy being with me. She not only endured watching Metropolis at my house a couple months ago–she actually seemed to like it. (Artsy and fun? Whodathunkit??)

I want to do right by her. I want to see if my affections continue to grow. She loves Jesus, is really smart, sensitive, sassy, and seems to be able to shoulder my opinionatedness. (I don’t think that’s a word, but if the Germans can take a bunch of words or word parts and string them together, I can too.)

I got a text message from a good friend of mine who has liked me for a very long time. I’d lay odds he is waiting around for my theology to change so he can date me. I told him that I was dating a girl and that I needed to explore this relationship. The response I received was something along the lines of we both know how this will turn out. I replied, Do we? I’ve been in love with a girl before…why not again? I didn’t get a response. I’m not here to psychologize why I did or didn’t get a reply to that; instead, I’m here to say that I’m getting some push-back from my gay friends now that I’m considering seriously dating a girl. Continue reading →

Why have music education in a Christian school?

23 Friday Sep 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Theology

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confession, experience, Gospel, Law, music, repentance, sanctification, Scripture, theology

The following is a text of a short address I gave for the Grandparent’s Welcome convocation at the school for which I work. I’m a first-year faculty member and a third-year teacher. I teach Pre-K thru 5th grade this semester and will add 6th grade next semester (just to give you some context for what I do).

The mission verse for the school this year is Proverbs 20:11 and I wrote a song using the text (NIV of 1984) to help the students internalize it. When I finished the address, the students stood up, faced their grandparents and sang the verse, accompanied by another faculty member.

Continue reading →

Absenteeism

13 Tuesday Sep 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Uncategorized

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I know I’ve been an absent presence on the internet. I’m working four jobs and doing school full time. But I did manage to get a post up over at the Dead Pastors’ Society blog, so go check it out.

New blog

23 Tuesday Aug 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Uncategorized

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blogging

I have begun blogging over at the Dead Pastors Society Blog. I blog over there with John Downey, Jay Miklovic (my favorite Methodist!), and Aaron Gardner. Please pray for us as we try to represent the Gospel to the blogosphere in a direct and winsome way.

And, as always, you can follow me on Twitter.

Come visit!

Out of a Far Country

03 Wednesday Aug 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Book Discussion

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

experience, Gospel, homosexuality, sexual sin, sexuality

Christopher Yuan

A review of Christopher Yuan‘s book. A copy of this book was graciously provided by Christopher for the purposes of this review. Thanks, Christopher!

Christopher’s book is certainly a page-turner. Co-written with his mother Angela, it details Christopher’s journey of repentance from rebellion against God to being reconciled to Christ by faith, orchestrated by difficult life experiences and a mother who spent her energies praying for Christopher and learning to love the Gospel. The format itself keeps the pages turning because Christopher and Angela speak in alternating chapters while on the same timeline, which creates a great deal of interest and forward motion to the story.

Christopher does an excellent job walking through the various time frames in which his story is set. When he’s describing the club scene, you can hear the bump of the music deafening you and see the people around. And you can feel the desperation of Angela as she prays for her son to know Christ as his sole sufficiency.

Continue reading →

To Date or Not to Date?

03 Wednesday Aug 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Personal

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

dating, experience, homosexuality, loneliness, relationships, sexuality

I was reading this article on The Gospel Coalition blog by Matthew Barrett and wondering, will I ever be counted worthy for the joys of marriage? Is that even where my desires are?

I had a good conversation with a brother who wrestles with same-sex attraction who is married. We talked about the dating process and I seemed to get positive feedback on how I’m approaching the idea of going on dates to figure out if I like the girls I’m hanging out with in a variety of contexts.

See, I’ve liked a girl before…enough to desire to date her. If things had progressed, I’d have wanted to marry her. I didn’t just love her as a friend…I desired her in every sense of the word. Now, when you’ve never desired anyone physically who wasn’t male like yourself, you don’t really know what to do with that. But I pursued her quietly but persistently for four years and was shot down each time. We remained friends for a time, but I finally decided it was too painful to keep up communication with her. I still think the world of her, but when she got married, I declined to go to the wedding. I knew I couldn’t handle that emotionally, watching the one girl I’ve ever wanted say “I do” to someone else. Just the thought of it reminds me of the feeling I had when I read the wedding invitation…like my heart was being ripped out from my chest. Maybe that sounds cliche, but it’s the truth.

Continue reading →

Questions from a Pastor

22 Friday Jul 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Personal, Theology

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

culture, homosexuality, leadership, loneliness, relationships, repentance, Scripture, sexuality, theology, witnessing

This morning, an Australian pastor I follow on Twitter asked me two questions about homosexuality because he’s going to be talking about it to his congregation. So I dashed off this email prior to hitting the gym this morning.

1. As a Christian who has same-sex attraction, what are some of your challenges that you face in your daily life?

Because of my orientation, I develop crushes on guys. This should be no surprise, since guys have crushes on and are attracted to girls all the time…and girls, the same with guys. Two things happen: internally, it’s hard to escape condemnation, especially when the guys I’m attracted to are godly men and that’s one of the reasons I like them in the first place. Externally, it’s difficult to be open about just the reality of the crush situation because I fear that it will push away men in my life who will fear that I’ll crush on them at some point, instead of trusting that I can sort it out in community and with God’s help in my sanctification.

I’ve been bullied by other Christians in a couple of ways. Once, I was slandered by a fellow church-member who thought that by telling the world on my mother’s facebook wall that I was a homosexual and that I’d lied to the elders in order to teach Sunday School and lead worship on Sunday mornings that somehow he’d scored a victory for the truth. The reality was that the elders had known I was gay but celibate and had allowed me to serve and lead because of my repentance. But since I’m not “out” everywhere on Facebook to all of my friends, it was hurtful. The man never did apologize and the elders didn’t take action. I left that church, of course.

Continue reading →

There’ll Be Some Changes Made

13 Wednesday Jul 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Personal

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homosexuality, insecurity, prayer, repentance, sexual sin, sexuality

One of the promises of the Gospel is that we will be conformed to the image of Christ. This is our sanctification and ordinarily looks like our disliking our sin progressively and loving the fact that we are being made holy by the Spirit of Christ. We look progressively like Him. It’s a little more complicated (read: a LOT more complicated) than getting better every day, but that’s sort of a general thrust of the thing.

Last night, I visited a bar and realized I wasn’t very happy while I was there. I was conscious of my inadequacies and my lust. I wanted almost nothing to do with homosexuality, while at the same time wanting everything to do with it. And, as we know, a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. So there was a lot of tension last night between what I wanted and didn’t want, all at the same time.

Continue reading →

Anxiety Abounding

12 Tuesday Jul 2011

Posted by David L. Gill in Personal

≈ 3 Comments

I’m a very anxious person. When I’m with people, I am far less anxious. But when I’m alone, the solitude either allows me to see anxiety already there in my life or causes, in some measure, the anxiety I feel.

I’m anxious about school. I want to do well, especially in my summer Greek class, but I’m woefully unprepared for vocabulary quizzes. Instead, I spend the balance of my time translating which seems to be the translatable skill that I will actually use as a pastor since memorization is lost on me to the point that if Google Calendar doesn’t tell me I’ve got a meeting, then I don’t remember to go to it.

I’m concerned about relationships. Last night, I got frustrated with a friend who counseled someone not to bother reading the materials for one of our systematics classes simply because the readings aren’t quizzed. I don’t understand that…it seems lazy and a waste of time and money to not read those articles. But I chastised my friend in completely the wrong way and now I have to ask his forgiveness.

Continue reading →

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