Author Archives: David L. Gill

Anxiety Abounding

12 Tuesday Jul 2011

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I’m a very anxious person. When I’m with people, I am far less anxious. But when I’m alone, the solitude either allows me to see anxiety already there in my life or causes, in some measure, the anxiety I feel.

I’m anxious about school. I want to do well, especially in my summer Greek class, but I’m woefully unprepared for vocabulary quizzes. Instead, I spend the balance of my time translating which seems to be the translatable skill that I will actually use as a pastor since memorization is lost on me to the point that if Google Calendar doesn’t tell me I’ve got a meeting, then I don’t remember to go to it.

I’m concerned about relationships. Last night, I got frustrated with a friend who counseled someone not to bother reading the materials for one of our systematics classes simply because the readings aren’t quizzed. I don’t understand that…it seems lazy and a waste of time and money to not read those articles. But I chastised my friend in completely the wrong way and now I have to ask his forgiveness.

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My Needs, His Fullness

04 Monday Jul 2011

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Because of recent events in my life, a few of the lines struck me with special force when I read this poem, originally posted by Scotty Smith.

(James Meikle, May 24, 1757)

All plenitude is in Christ, to answer all the needs
of His people. In Christ dwells all the fullness of
the Godhead bodily, that out of His fullness I may
receive all spiritual blessings!

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Stopped being gay?

14 Tuesday Jun 2011

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An interesting article in the Times:

… This will come as a shock to — among others — my male former partner of ten years, gay pals from my former media career, my rabidly heterosexual chums in the aviation industry and, not least, my family (who rather hoped I was going through a phase — albeit for about 20 years). Well, it’s come as a shock to me, too.

I once attended the nuptials of a gay male friend to a girl with whom he had unexpectedly fallen head over heels in love. It was a curious affair: the wedding party was peopled with his ex-lovers — including me, the best man and even the vicar. There is a risk that a wedding guest list of mine could have the same casting issues.

Read the rest here. Thoughts on the entire article?

Now what?

04 Saturday Jun 2011

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My brother is married at 25. Just got married today. Best wedding ceremony I’ve ever heard or been to. Had a great time singing and, yes, even dancing.

But I am single. And it hurts right now. I even had to spend a great deal of effort keeping my eyes to myself. There were a few attractive guys at the reception and that’s always an interesting experience.

And I have a lot of anxiety about a wide variety of things at the moment.

What does the Gospel say about all of this?

The Joys of a Hug (or two)

03 Friday Jun 2011

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Disclaimer: I don’t know about other strugglers’ personal space, and I’m certain that some folks are uncomfortable with hugs and physical touch. In writing this post, I’m simply conveying my own desires and how they help and hurt my own walk with Christ.

Last night, I went with some seminary folks to a brewery here in town where they serve $2 pitchers on Thursday nights. It’s becoming tradition to sit and talk about one’s week over a glass or two of beer and relax with friends. The conversation is always animated and a lot of fun.

Two guys who are friends but whom I haven’t seen in a while were there. We got caught up on each others’ lives and laughed a little, talked seriously a little. At the end of the night, the two of them hugged me goodbye. Reader, that may seem like a small gesture to you, but it isn’t insignificant to me.

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Do Not Love the World?

26 Thursday May 2011

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Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world— the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

–1 John 2:15-17, ESV

And yet again, I’m struck by the way the Scriptures read me. They say things about me that I would never want anyone to know.

The desires of the flesh, desires of the eyes, and pride in possessions–these are my sins. Obviously, they aren’t my only sins. Still, they represent a large quantity of the presence of sin in my life. And with one mind, double-mindedly, I want those things and I want them removed. I find myself in the classical Pauline Dilema, a la Romans 7 all over again. That which I do not want to do, I do. That which I want to do, I do not.

I see things…and I want them. I see a nice set of furniture…an expensive turntable…a nicer car. By grace I’m learning to want Christ more.

I desire physical touch (even inappropriate touch) and sometimes it’s an idolatrous desire. Physical touch isn’t bad, nor do I think I have to somehow deprive myself of it for aesthetic reasons. Simply put, I crave it more than I want God’s design for me, which is chastity (since I’m single).

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Creativity and Dissatisfaction

23 Monday May 2011

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Just finished an arrangement of a hymn I wrote that will be introduced for corporate worship during the offertory next month. I never quite know what to make of what I create, least of all, this particular hymn.

I am, in my own estimation, a very frustrated lyricist. This particular hymn seems to be something which is an anomaly, since I’m actually pleased with the lyrics as they stand. I may add a verse to what I currently have at some point, but beyond that I like what I’ve written. I wrote the first three verses while my pastor preached out of Psalm 1 and wrote the final verse while sitting beside a lake later that afternoon. I’m glad I live in an age of podcasts so I could go back and listen to what the pastor actually said. 😉

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The Steadfast Love of the Lord

19 Thursday May 2011

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When you were few in number, and of little account, and sojourners in it, wandering from nation to nation, from one kingdom to another people, he allowed no one to oppress them; he rebuked kings on their account, saying, “Touch not my anointed ones, do my prophets no harm!”

–1 Chronicles 16:19-22, ESV.

When the ark of the covenant was placed in the tent in Jerusalem after it had been returned from captivity in Philistia, David sang this as part of his song of praise.

How often do we find ourselves thanking God for His provision and protection of the saints of old? Of the children of Israel? David was more than a couple generations removed from Moses or even Abraham. And yet he sets his praise of God in the context of God’s acts prior to his birth! And yet, he sings of God’s faithfulness.

Something I love about the liturgy of the word at my church: we often end a Scripture reading with the statement, “This is the Word of the Lord. This is our story. Thanks be to God!” The story of the wandering Israelites, the sojourning family of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the story of David dancing before the ark–this is our story. God’s provision of redemption for his specific people is the story of the Church.

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