Discontent

02 Monday Apr 2012

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"For I am content..." (Philippians 4:11)

Sometimes I fear how God will teach me this lesson.

Today, a friend expressed a desire to move on to the next phase of life and ministry, saying he was tired of being a student and couldn’t wait to be done. I was frustrated because seminary is where God has called us. Why would we want to hurry God’s work? I sure don’t. And when I tried to point that out, it wasn’t well received. Maybe I said something wrongly.

I was sitting at a coffee shop a few days ago and really struggled to keep my mind on my work. Will temptation always be this strong? I wondered. I was sitting at another coffee shop today and thought, Yeah…if today is any indication, it will be.

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Hymns of Encouragement

17 Saturday Mar 2012

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This past weekend, I was in a class that Kevin Twit taught on the History of Hymnody. It was a weekend seminar at my seminary, covering the hymn as a genre of writing (not specifically the music thereof, though we did sing periodically in the lectures).

For the class, we’ve been reading Faith Cook’s Our Hymn Writers and Their Hymns. I have been stirred, even as I’ve cried, as I’ve read about people dying well, trusting their Savior while passing on their love for Christ and the experience of joy in Him and sorrow in weakness and sin to others through their music.

In chapel an excellent new tune by Joel Littlepage to a hymn by Ora Rowan (altered by Kevin Twit) was introduced. The words were especially moving and I cried as I sang them on Friday:

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Crushes, Theology, Girls: Not in that order

09 Friday Mar 2012

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As a tie-in to the post “What if there was a girl?“, there was. She and I are, however, only friends. But I would be lying if I said that I didn’t wish there was more. I waited to ask her out officially because I wasn’t sure I was physically attracted. I became sure–it was only the second time that has ever happened for me with a member of the ‘fairer sex.’ By then, she’d decided against dating me. I respect her decision, though I do wish she’d change her mind. I don’t like any other girls, so it’s not like there’s anyone to “move on” to; so friends it is, for the moment.

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Not the Only One

21 Tuesday Feb 2012

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It seems I’m not the only one who has lost out on a job because of my sexuality.

Truly sad. I’ve often wondered and reflected on how to be a good neighbor to those who are concerned about my sexuality or the way I even talk about it. After all, they’re people who are made in the image of God just like me. I didn’t arrive at my conclusions about sexuality overnight, and neither have (or will) they. Tolerance at this point seems like settling and sub-par. The Gospel talks of love borne of a grateful heart to God…so how do I love ones who are genuinely homophobic, even just professionally speaking?

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On Loneliness and Training to Be a Pastor

29 Sunday Jan 2012

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In his book The Mission of God, Christopher Wright discusses the knowledge of God that Israel had in the Old Testament, specifically in His acting by delivering them through the means of a pagan king who had no allegiance to Yahweh.

[I]f Israel should be inclined to protest at the means by which God would bring about their deliverance (i.e., through a pagan king who did not even know YHWH, yet is provocatively described as YHWH’s “shepherd” and “anointed”), they would do well to remember who it was they presumed to argue with–the Creator of the universe.

“Concerning things to come, do you question me…? It is I who made the earth and created mankind upon it. My own hands have stretched out the heavens; I marshaled their starry hosts. I will raise up Cyrus in my righteousness:…He will rebuild my city and set my exiles free” (Isaiah 45:11-13).

So, the reason why God’s planned action for Israel’s deliverance will be spectacularly successful is that it is grounded in his universal sovereignty as Creator. And the effect of that saving action will be to demonstrate the unique identity and status of YHWH to the rest of the world. Israel would do well not to protest, for they have a role to play in that divine agenda. If Israel’s ultimate mission was to be a blessing and a light to the nations, they need to cooperate with God’s means of executing that purpose, whether they approved of it or not. (from The Mission of God, pg. 90)

I complain to God fairly often about the means by which he brings about my deliverance. I presume to argue all the time with the Creator of the universe. Surely, He could’ve cooked up a better scenario than me being disposed to crushing hard on my friends and having to pick myself up from those emotionally charged situations, bravely continuing friendships with those whom I’ve crushed on and legitimately love. He could’ve at least made it easier for me to be physically attracted to a girl who was once very interested in me, but whose interest seems to have waned. It’s painful, really–all of it. Continue reading →

Suffering and the Gospel

04 Wednesday Jan 2012

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I don’t always know whether or not at 29 if I’ve suffered “enough” to write about suffering and the Gospel. At the recommendation of several people (including one of the board members at the school which voted to have me resign), I am reading some Henri Nouwen on my Kindle. In his book, Turning My Mourning Into Dancing, he writes:

Suffering invites us to place our hurts in larger hands. In Christ we see God suffering-for us. And calling us to share in God’s suffering love for a hurting world. The small and even overpowering pains of our lives are intimately connected with the greater pains of Christ. Our daily sorrows are anchored in a greater sorrow and therefore a larger hope. Absolutely nothing in our lives lies outside the realm of God’s judgment and mercy.

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Injustices and Uniforms

02 Monday Jan 2012

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From the time I was a small child, I’ve worn a uniform. Not a school uniform, not a uniform on a sports team. Ok, so I *did* wear a physical uniform all ten (yes, ten) years of marching band–four in high school for Hazelwood East HS in St. Louis and six during my undergrad at Missouri State (formerly Southwest Missouri State).

The uniform I’ve worn is that of a conservative Christian. It’s not as nice-looking as it once was. It’s worn in the knees and I think the shirt is a bit tattered. It’s still recognizable, though. I made it well past the age of 21 before I got drunk or kissed anyone. (I have yet to do both at the same time.)

I’ve never dated.

I made it well past 25 before I even *tried* to smoke. (I don’t care for it…except for hookah. Hookah is amazing.)

I’ve carried a Bible to school since the fourth grade and to church since I was too young to recall.

And I’ve believed that God, through the words of Scripture, has the final say on what I do with my body in my spare time. I’ve spent a great deal of time on telling others through this blog about the good news of Christ and the importance of repentance and the forgiveness of sins in Christ.

However, for some, this is not enough.

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What to say?

28 Wednesday Dec 2011

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There is a price for Gospel honesty. It’s a rather steep one.

Before I go on, I want to define “Gospel honesty.” I’m using the phrase to indicate honesty about one’s sin and the redemption of Christ through His blood on the cross, which takes the reality of God’s grace and amplifies it to the world without shame or reservation since Christ has, indeed, died for me…for all who believe. The Gospel allows me to be honest about what tempts me because my Savior has paid the price for my shame.

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After a Three-Day Weekend

21 Monday Nov 2011

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One of my systematics professors was out of town at ETS and I didn’t have to teach because I did overtime at the school this past week getting ready for the Fall Concert, so I was able to take off on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  I actually took a sabbath on those days and relaxed.

I know a sabbath is supposed to be exactly that, but I still feel guilty that I didn’t get all of my laundry done. Or my room cleaned. Or dishes done. Or much of anything, really.

I tend not to ever really take a break. I tend to always have something else to do. And to not be doing something is basically being lazy. This is, after all, the way I was raised. How do I know when to work hard and when to shrug it off? My culture, sub-culture, and disposition do not really provide me with answers.

Not sure if I’m really rested from my sabbath…but I’m no worse for the wear, either.