Tags
false teaching, Gospel, homosexuality, leadership, parenting, repentance, sex ed, temptation, theology
From the time I was a small child, I’ve worn a uniform. Not a school uniform, not a uniform on a sports team. Ok, so I *did* wear a physical uniform all ten (yes, ten) years of marching band–four in high school for Hazelwood East HS in St. Louis and six during my undergrad at Missouri State (formerly Southwest Missouri State).
The uniform I’ve worn is that of a conservative Christian. It’s not as nice-looking as it once was. It’s worn in the knees and I think the shirt is a bit tattered. It’s still recognizable, though. I made it well past the age of 21 before I got drunk or kissed anyone. (I have yet to do both at the same time.)
I’ve never dated.
I made it well past 25 before I even *tried* to smoke. (I don’t care for it…except for hookah. Hookah is amazing.)
I’ve carried a Bible to school since the fourth grade and to church since I was too young to recall.
And I’ve believed that God, through the words of Scripture, has the final say on what I do with my body in my spare time. I’ve spent a great deal of time on telling others through this blog about the good news of Christ and the importance of repentance and the forgiveness of sins in Christ.
However, for some, this is not enough.
After all, to teach children, one must lie via omission so as to not actually communicate that adults are real sinners with real struggles. That would appalling, would it not? Because we’re trying to teach our children that Jesus is our hero, not the adults in their lives…which is best done, of course, by showing ourselves to have our act together, all in the name of “setting a good example.”
Because, as we all know, we point kids to Jesus best by teaching them to worship us, the adults in their lives. Isn’t that the way that the Bible teaches that we should interact with our children?
The school that got me to resign gave me the following reason in writing as to why I was asked to resign:
The Board has consistently expressed a concern that your public blog, which has already been viewed by some parents, is inappropriate for the ages of the children under your care at [name of school] and therefore detrimental to the best interests of the school; and because it is inappropriate for these young children, the Board, if it supported you in this, would be placing our school parents in the position of having to deal with their children and the issues of your blog on your terms and timing. However, when and how parents teach their children how to deal with the adult issues discussed in your blog is a matter for the parents, not the Board, to determine.
The best I can do in terms of understanding this whole event is to guess that the reason they gave me is the “nice” equivalent to saying, “Thou shalt not commit publicity.” This blog is not for minors. However, this blog also doesn’t have negative messages that minors would encounter on prime-time television or in Facebook ads.
I suppose the Board thinks that to be a teacher, one should be silent about what God has done in one’s life. It’s best to not be a real human being; it’s better to put on a fake face and tell no one (especially not children) that God loves even really messed up people, regardless of if the messed-up stuff looks like not loving siblings well or parents, or others. And if parents don’t want this message given to their kids, then I suppose they’re really not being the covenant parents of covenant children that they should be, biblically speaking.
I thought the goal of Christian education was to provide lenses through which children of varying age could perceive the world. Instead, the goal of Christian education at this particular school set forth by this particular board is to preserve a sinful, Christian bubble which nurtures both naivete and, later in life, either bitterness or self-righteousness.
Is the Gospel best preached to our young children when we isolate them, or when we show them God’s working in the world through repentance and the forgiveness of sins?
[As an aside, my degree is in music education, K-12. If your comment is to lecture or “remind” me about age-appropriate discussions, I have two things to remind you. First, I am a teacher and so I’m aware of developmental appropriateness. Second, I was the kids’ music teacher, not sex ed. So save your keystrokes.]
And so I wear the uniform of conservative Christianity, by choice. And yet injustice seems to prevail. On Sunday, however, I was reminded as I sang of the victory of Christ:
Yet in despair I bowed my head
“There is no peace on earth” I said
“For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, for God has comeThen pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor does He sleep:
For death has failed and Christ prevailed
With peace on earth, for God has come!”And ringing, singing on its way
The world will turn from night to day:
“Make new all things, our gracious King!
Bring peace on earth, for God has come!”–“I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day,” Longfellow (1864) and Marks (1950), words revised by J. T. Hewitt (2011)
God’s not sleeping in my loss, even though hate and fear are strong at this school. Christ will make all things new. In the meantime, God Himself will provide. This is the promise of the incarnation. It’s the promise of Christ Himself.
Gay and Evangelical 
God Bless you brother! I am so sorry and infuriated (though unfortunately not entirely surprised….) that the school employing you saw fit to take this irresponsible action rather than seeing how awesome it is that you are so honest about your sin and do indeed struggle to, by the power of Christ’s blood, become a better person. God will bring you through this and continue to use in in extraordinary ways my friend!
As I’ve struggled beside you (as much as someone can if their job isn’t on the line) on this stuff, I’ve been through this gamut of emotions with you. But please, consider moderating saying that “hate and fear are strong at this school.” Fear, perhaps. But hate? They have, in a broken and imperfect and insufficient way, loved you through the way they did this. You’ve been provided for and given a chance to explain yourself to the parents. If they hated you, you’d have nothing and/or your name would be slandered. I still don’t know if I agree with why they did what they did, and wish it would have turned out differently. I’m still by your side, brother, but I’m also by theirs (relationally), and no one here is either blameless or entirely responsible. In their broken, imperfect and insufficient way, they’ve done what they believe is the most loving thing for the parents and children they’re responsible for. I wish we all loved perfectly and consistently, but we all need Jesus to cover our failure to do that, too.
Note: I have good, decently close relationships with several people on the school board, and am a long-time friend of Dave, so I’ve been in the middle of this with him.
I considered very carefully the use of the word hatred and opted to use it even so to acknowledge that even when we perceive our motives to be worthy and loving, if our actions or hearts do not, in the end, line up with the Gospel, we are actually hating the Gospel we claim to love. And this is only because we are not perfectly sanctified in the new heavens and new earth.
Another way of saying might be this: The people who caused my resignation, though they claim to love what God is doing in my life, have opted to love the cloak of an appearance of holiness rather than the true holiness which springs from the Gospel…and just as one cannot serve two masters, one cannot love an appearance of holiness and true holiness at the same time. Effectively, they hate true holiness.
Of course, I do this myself in so many ways, all day long. And I’ve blogged about how I’ve done so right here. But just because I don’t follow Christ perfectly doesn’t mean I can’t call this sin out in someone else’s life, because I am trying, myself, to walk in repentance for loving outward holiness more than true holiness…and my being united to Christ by faith allows me to call them out without hypocrisy on my part.
Does that make sense?
It is parents who should monitor their children’s internet activities – they have only themselves to blame if their children are reading your blog and raising ‘adult’ issues as a result. It is shocking that because of their irresponsibility that you are losing your job.
I am so sorry this has happened to you. I pray that you will be very aware of God’s presence and love at the present time and that He will guide you to a place of employment that is more supportive of you, as a Christian brother and as a teacher.
Dave,
In the post here you said, as you should, that the board was asking you to “LIE” by omission. This is plain speaking that hits hard and gets the message across as to why their action was wrong.
I can learn from you here. Too often in sensitive situations I personally speak too gently and hide behind euphemisms. This keeps my message from having its needed effect on the hearts of people who hear. I need to speak more plainly.
I don’t think I’ve told you this Dave, but the fact that you speak so plainly and honestly is one of the many things about you that I greatly respect. Particularly, because I struggle so greatly with the same thing that MR referred to. I tend to work to make all of my statements as gentle as possible, rather than speaking as bluntly as I ought.
As a balanced Christian in a very conservative environment my whole life, I have complete understanding with how you feel. I’ve worn that uniform my whole life from K5 to finishing college, and I am grateful that I can finally cast those old clothes in the trash. I can say my heart was in the right place though. As Paul says, be all things to all men. Even conservatives that would stumble spiritually if they knew you were different. I wouldn’t want to be detrimental to a weaker brother.
I still wear the uniform of a straight, hetero Christian. For some, including my younger siblings, this would be a detrimental blow to their walk with God if I stopped wearing it. Why? They look up to me as a strong Christian, and if they knew I had attraction in that area, they would question if I was a Christian at all (a completely unfounded assumption just because of my attraction to men). I wouldn’t be able to lead worship for youth group and I most certainly wouldn’t be invited into kids’ homes or study the Bible with them.
This is why I opted for a completely anonymous Xanga blog to work things out among other Christians. If they did find it and read it, they couldn’t tie it to me. I would keep on using my spiritual gifts, helping teens realize life-changing truths about the God we serve.
Which brings us to the reason that some parents were bugging the school board about this. They have a problem with you being you. They felt violated that a possible non-Christian (probably a sexual predator) is teaching their kids. It’s completely unfair and prejudiced assumptions that just because you have attraction, you’re obviously acting on it (unfounded) and because you’re gay, you’re into kids (also completely unfounded).
The school board looks at these parents’ fears for their child’s safety and innocence and takes them very seriously. I can see where they are coming from. I see where you are coming from. It’s an unfortunate situation that came to a head because of the environment that you’re in.
God’s using this to help you grow stronger in Him, to forgive freely like He forgave, and to show you opportunities around you that you couldn’t have seen while in this job. He has your best in mind. Always.
I see this as an opportunity to move on to better things, possibly with less of a uniform on. In about 2 years I will be able to take the full uniform off and hopefully be able to serve in a community of believers that are more balanced in their walk with God. I hope the same for you.
Peace to you,
Dave,
Hookah at my house. Seriously. Come and preach here.
On a side note related to this issue… be patient and loving and pray for them!
Thanks, Luke. I need that reminder.
When should I come? I did a sermon on Revelation 5 as my last sermon for homiletics last semester. 🙂
Seriously… you can come whenever you’d like. I’m assuming summer would be a possibility?
I think it will. Maybe before. Let me get my revised scheduled from the seminary and we’ll figure it out.
“God’s using this to help you grow stronger in Him, to forgive freely like He forgave, and to show you opportunities around you that you couldn’t have seen while in this job. He has your best in mind. Always.”
This is B.S. Being a Christian is not misery and pain. God wants everyone to be their authentic selfs. Christianity is WRONG. All this suffering by Dave and others is so fruitless. You’ve been brainwashed. Most organized religions are nothing more than cults. They would rather Dave suffer while they keep up their lily white facade. Get out. This isn’t healthy for you. All of you struggling with homosexuality. STOP STRUGGLING! Celebrate your authentic self. Get away from people that tell you are “less than”. God loves you just the way you are. We all love you just the way you are.
“Authentic self”? Where do you see that? Where does that idea come from? No one tells me that I’m “less than.”
James,
Jesus Himself said in Luke 9:23 (NIV) “Then he said to them all: Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
Suffering and self-denial are vital to being a Christian. They are not the goal, though. The goal is that I and others become glad worshipers of God. What you are calling B.S. are the loving commands of a God who is far better than you or me!
Your employer just did…..
No one that matters to me…no conservative Christian that has actually bothered to read my blog has said I’m less than.
http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/01/06/my-lesbian-daughter-bible-and-sex/#ixzz1iyrr6xLE
What exactly is your point with posting this video? This guy loves the Church and Scripture…and says so.
Oh my, where do I even begin? I could start with uniforms, and mention in passing that uniforms sound like a good idea. So much of the persecution that Christians experience (or perceive to experience) is not on account of the gospel, but for conservative values that, although maybe useful teachings, are really just tradition, disguised as gospel.
Of course, uniforms also cover the wounds and scars we all possess, believer and unbeliever alike. If we can’t be open about our individual ugliness, how, then, are we supposed to talk about the cure? It’s not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick, and we are all sick (he who says he is without sin is a liar…)
Sometimes I wonder how many Christians have substituted the conservative Christian uniform for the wedding clothes given freely by the groom…
“Because, as we all know, we point kids to Jesus best by teaching them to worship us, the adults in their lives. Isn’t that the way that the Bible teaches that we should interact with our children?”
That’s satire, right? I get it. 🙂
When does a child fall away? When the illusion is stripped from them and they see the man behind the curtain. “Jesus” becomes synonymous with “Santa” “The Tooth Fairy” and “The Easter Bunny”; just one more childhood fantasy to outgrow. As their sight becomes clearer, and they begin to see the ugliness of their adult role-models, in spite of their best attempts to hide it. “Hypocrite” is the thought, as they throw the baby out with the bath water, thus subjecting themselves to the same forces of their forefathers, gathering the same wounds and scars, and the process repeats, from generation to generation.
The church has followed in line with the popular culture, reinforced by multimedia. It’s all about appearance, about appearing like you have it all together (even when nobody does) and then not admitting to anybody else that, you too, are a leper. Here’s a link that discusses this in brilliant depth: http://www.qideas.org/blog/whats-your-secret.aspx
OH! If only I could find a church that put emphasis on the inside of the cup! I might be inclined to uproot myself and join such a church, no matter where it was, lending my two hands and my pen to their efforts…
With that said, can I say something, as gently as possible, in consideration of the pain that you are surely going through?
The Board is right Dave.
I’ve read through all the comments posted thus far, and I’ve seen some pearls of wisdom contained within those words. I also see a large community of friends that support, love and admire you for what you have struggled through and for your openness during that struggle (and you already know that I am an admirer as well). Even with those that I don’t agree with (@James), I understand their viewpoint and understand what they are driving at, even though I think that they need to reach higher and get the bigger perspective from where they are (and, if they love the Lord, they will).
What is the bigger perspective? The kids are going to idolize you, whether you discourage that or not. It’s human nature, and the chances of that happening, in light of your walk and how you conduct yourself, is greater for you than others. As any parent will tell you, kids will find what they are looking for. And if they want to read your blog (or go to any other website), it’s difficult to stop (not impossible, just difficult). Even if the parent can stop their child, others will find it, and whisper among themselves (they start so young, don’t they?).
Yes, there is an argument to be made that contentious issues should be openly discussed, with the only restrictions based on the capacity to understand the issue (you don’t have the birds and bees discussion with a 5-year old), and I hope my stance is clear. But I also know that it is very difficult for a parent to handle all of these issues in a timely manner, especially considering the onslaught facing today’s generation of children.
“Mommy, what does ‘gay’ mean?” Suddenly, the parent is trying to figure out how to answer the question, when she hasn’t had a discussion with the child yet about where babies come from. With all of the other stress coming from raising a child today, it may just be one more issue that you don’t have the time and energy for. Part of the difficulty for parent’s of today’s generation is the speed at which the veil is lifted from their eyes. If you wait for puberty to have a sex-discussion with your child (sounds like a reasonable time, right?), you’re already too late. That child already knows everything, is talking about it with peers and may even (gulp!) have already done it.
Let’s take an even bigger perspective: that of a school administrator. Even if the administrator believes that nobody is served by hiding these questions and issues, that administrator also knows that you simply cannot win by telling parents how they should handle their child (if you want to see the tiger, tell a mom how to be a mother, and then take cover…). Administrators are faced with battles on multiple fronts, and they simply don’t have the energy or time to fight them all. Being true to your calling oftentimes means choosing the fights that are worth fighting. The issue of homosexuality, when it comes to children, probably ranks lower, in terms of priority, than other issues I can think of.
Are these the reasons why they asked you to resign? Maybe. It would be naive to believe that the ugliness of ulterior motives (homophobia, anyone?) may not be lurking somewhere underneath. But, as “sinfulandevangelical” suggests, it is an imperfect system, embroiled in a publicly-debated issue, one that has a lot of emotion charged through it.
But that brings me to my last point. Can I point to an even higher perspective for you?
It is clear that you love working with children. However, based on my experience and from watching some others, sometimes, what we would naturally be inclined to do is not what we are called to do. When we are called (or forced) to give up something we love, we fill up “that which is behind the afflictions of Christ”. It’s the noble that is oftentimes the enemy of the holy, not evil.
Yet, if we trust in Christ, we discover that there are bigger considerations the Lord is taking into account, considerations that we are not in a position to see. What could those be? I can’t even begin to say but I can share an observation.
In the arena surrounding this debate, I see two sides. One side would condemn all homosexuals as wrong, evil, or worse, and would exclude any of them from the kingdom of heaven (as if they have this right). The other side seems to take an approach of “everything is permissible for me” and would choose to rewrite Scripture to suit their tastes.
As with so many issues, the truth is somewhere in-between. Who better qualified than you to find the path to Christ through this troubling issue? Based on what I have read thus far, I have yet to see anybody that approaches this contentious and emotionally charged debate better than you.
Maybe the Lord is purifying your calling? Maybe you are to serve the Lord, and those children, in a much broader sense than being a teacher in a classroom? To put it another way, what if one of those children discovers in a few years that he or she is also gay? I’m sure you know the pain and hurt they will face. What kind of light could you be for him or her?
Food for thought…