Sometimes I fear how God will teach me this lesson.
Today, a friend expressed a desire to move on to the next phase of life and ministry, saying he was tired of being a student and couldn’t wait to be done. I was frustrated because seminary is where God has called us. Why would we want to hurry God’s work? I sure don’t. And when I tried to point that out, it wasn’t well received. Maybe I said something wrongly.
I was sitting at a coffee shop a few days ago and really struggled to keep my mind on my work. Will temptation always be this strong? I wondered. I was sitting at another coffee shop today and thought, Yeah…if today is any indication, it will be.
I invited some friends to have coffee with me or study alongside me tonight. Unfortunately, there is a basketball game between KU and UK tonight. But no one wanted to hang or even invite me to watch the game with them.
Hell…I’d have even paid for the beer.
None of these people don’t love me…in fact, all of the “no” answers I got came from very good friends who care about me deeply.
And, considering what I’ve read, discussed, and observed, being married doesn’t sound one iota less lonely. Sounds like you have one person to be bitter towards, instead of fifteen. It may simplify things, but it doesn’t sound better.
How do I gain contentment? Trust, I suppose. Trust that Christ has not only shared my loneliness, but bore it on Himself, on the cross.
Seems so abstract sometimes. And it hurts to be by myself.
A friend asked me the other day: “Are you afraid of being alone?”
I answered, “Yeah…scared to death.” And it’s true…I fear being alone more than just about anything. The one greater fear I have is that one particular friend of mine would die in his sin and never turn back to Christ. But the fear of being alone is a close second.
So how do I gain contentment? I’ve forgotten.
When Luther said that all of life is repentance, he wasn’t kidding.
Come, Lord Jesus.