Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
–Psalm 103:1-5 (ESV)
I feel dissatisfied. I spent the weekend with some fraternity brothers. The oldest among them in the active chapter was visiting my undergrad my last semester and met me on his visit. He’s graduating in May, having taken six years to finish. I felt a little old. Actually, I felt really old. The year I started college, some of the fraternity brothers were ten years old.
On top of that, I feel dissatisfied about my body. I’m carrying ten (or maybe twenty) extra pounds around these days. I was always so skinny…and now, I’m less so. It gets on my nerves, honestly. It’s even worse because I’ve very envious of those who are skinnier than me.
I talked to my undergrad band director today and I couldn’t get a read on what he thinks of me. He’s probably one of about five people whose opinion of me really matters. He seems really frustrated that I’m not teaching…and teaching band, even though that wasn’t my major. Sometimes, I’m frustrated at that myself, but I honestly don’t know if that’s because I want to please him primarily, or because I would actually enjoy it more. My point isn’t to process this here and now—perhaps I will tease out the theological implications of my calling in some other post.
But I am satisfied. I’m satisfied by Christ’s forgiveness in redeeming my life from the pit. He satisfies me with good things…things as trivial as nice clothes, things more meaningful like food and job, things most meaningful like relationships and the effects of the Gospel in my life and in my dealings with others.
So when will I be satisfied with the way I look, instead of envying others? Come, Lord Jesus.