Tag Archives: experience

Gospel Ministry in a Less-than-awesome Environment

03 Thursday May 2012

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In light of my previous post about an abusive church environment, at least one person has rightly pointed out that no one forced me to stay as long as I did. One of the reasons I stayed as long as I did was that there was work to do for the sake of the Gospel…and most of the work, I did alongside the very people who didn’t particularly want me there. But they, and I, wanted to see the Gospel go forth. They and I are creatures of inconsistency, and I have at least as many idols as most people–but probably more. Continue reading →

Abusive Churches and Pastors

25 Wednesday Apr 2012

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I have had an extremely bad experience in the Church. I’ve discussed it previously here and here. In another article by Trevin Wax, a list is offered. I’d like to share it here.

How do you recognize abusive leadership? Paul requires two witnesses for a charge to be leveled against an elder (1 Tim. 5:19), probably because he knows that leaders will be charged with infelicities more than others, often unfairly. That said, abusive churches and Christian leaders characteristically

  1. Make dogmatic prescriptions in places where Scripture is silent.
  2. Rely on intelligence, humor, charm, guilt, emotions, or threats rather than on God’s Word and prayer (see Acts 6:4).
  3. Play favorites.
  4. Punish those who disagree.
  5. Employ extreme forms of communication (tempers, silent treatment).
  6. Recommend courses of action that always, somehow, improve the leader’s own situation, even at the expense of others.
  7. Speak often and quickly.
  8. Seldom do good deeds in secret.
  9. Seldom encourage.
  10. Seldom give the benefit of the doubt.
  11. Emphasize outward conformity, rather than repentance of heart.
  12. Preach, counsel, disciple, and oversee the church with lips that fail to ground everything in what Christ has done in the gospel and to give glory to God.

Continue reading →

Satisfaction

17 Tuesday Apr 2012

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Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

–Psalm 103:1-5 (ESV)

I feel dissatisfied. I spent the weekend with some fraternity brothers. The oldest among them in the active chapter was visiting my undergrad my last semester and met me on his visit. He’s graduating in May, having taken six years to finish. I felt a little old. Actually, I felt really old. The year I started college, some of the fraternity brothers were ten years old. Continue reading →

Discontent

02 Monday Apr 2012

Posted by in Personal, Scripture, Theology

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"For I am content..." (Philippians 4:11)

Sometimes I fear how God will teach me this lesson.

Today, a friend expressed a desire to move on to the next phase of life and ministry, saying he was tired of being a student and couldn’t wait to be done. I was frustrated because seminary is where God has called us. Why would we want to hurry God’s work? I sure don’t. And when I tried to point that out, it wasn’t well received. Maybe I said something wrongly.

I was sitting at a coffee shop a few days ago and really struggled to keep my mind on my work. Will temptation always be this strong? I wondered. I was sitting at another coffee shop today and thought, Yeah…if today is any indication, it will be.

Continue reading →

Suffering and the Gospel

04 Wednesday Jan 2012

Posted by in Theology

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I don’t always know whether or not at 29 if I’ve suffered “enough” to write about suffering and the Gospel. At the recommendation of several people (including one of the board members at the school which voted to have me resign), I am reading some Henri Nouwen on my Kindle. In his book, Turning My Mourning Into Dancing, he writes:

Suffering invites us to place our hurts in larger hands. In Christ we see God suffering-for us. And calling us to share in God’s suffering love for a hurting world. The small and even overpowering pains of our lives are intimately connected with the greater pains of Christ. Our daily sorrows are anchored in a greater sorrow and therefore a larger hope. Absolutely nothing in our lives lies outside the realm of God’s judgment and mercy.

Continue reading →

What if there was a girl?

24 Monday Oct 2011

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There sort of is. I’ve taken a wonderful young lady out on several dates in the last month and a half or so. I enjoy being with her and she seems to enjoy being with me. She not only endured watching Metropolis at my house a couple months ago–she actually seemed to like it. (Artsy and fun? Whodathunkit??)

I want to do right by her. I want to see if my affections continue to grow. She loves Jesus, is really smart, sensitive, sassy, and seems to be able to shoulder my opinionatedness. (I don’t think that’s a word, but if the Germans can take a bunch of words or word parts and string them together, I can too.)

I got a text message from a good friend of mine who has liked me for a very long time. I’d lay odds he is waiting around for my theology to change so he can date me. I told him that I was dating a girl and that I needed to explore this relationship. The response I received was something along the lines of we both know how this will turn out. I replied, Do we? I’ve been in love with a girl before…why not again? I didn’t get a response. I’m not here to psychologize why I did or didn’t get a reply to that; instead, I’m here to say that I’m getting some push-back from my gay friends now that I’m considering seriously dating a girl. Continue reading →

Why have music education in a Christian school?

23 Friday Sep 2011

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The following is a text of a short address I gave for the Grandparent’s Welcome convocation at the school for which I work. I’m a first-year faculty member and a third-year teacher. I teach Pre-K thru 5th grade this semester and will add 6th grade next semester (just to give you some context for what I do).

The mission verse for the school this year is Proverbs 20:11 and I wrote a song using the text (NIV of 1984) to help the students internalize it. When I finished the address, the students stood up, faced their grandparents and sang the verse, accompanied by another faculty member.

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Out of a Far Country

03 Wednesday Aug 2011

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Christopher Yuan

A review of Christopher Yuan‘s book. A copy of this book was graciously provided by Christopher for the purposes of this review. Thanks, Christopher!

Christopher’s book is certainly a page-turner. Co-written with his mother Angela, it details Christopher’s journey of repentance from rebellion against God to being reconciled to Christ by faith, orchestrated by difficult life experiences and a mother who spent her energies praying for Christopher and learning to love the Gospel. The format itself keeps the pages turning because Christopher and Angela speak in alternating chapters while on the same timeline, which creates a great deal of interest and forward motion to the story.

Christopher does an excellent job walking through the various time frames in which his story is set. When he’s describing the club scene, you can hear the bump of the music deafening you and see the people around. And you can feel the desperation of Angela as she prays for her son to know Christ as his sole sufficiency.

Continue reading →

To Date or Not to Date?

03 Wednesday Aug 2011

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I was reading this article on The Gospel Coalition blog by Matthew Barrett and wondering, will I ever be counted worthy for the joys of marriage? Is that even where my desires are?

I had a good conversation with a brother who wrestles with same-sex attraction who is married. We talked about the dating process and I seemed to get positive feedback on how I’m approaching the idea of going on dates to figure out if I like the girls I’m hanging out with in a variety of contexts.

See, I’ve liked a girl before…enough to desire to date her. If things had progressed, I’d have wanted to marry her. I didn’t just love her as a friend…I desired her in every sense of the word. Now, when you’ve never desired anyone physically who wasn’t male like yourself, you don’t really know what to do with that. But I pursued her quietly but persistently for four years and was shot down each time. We remained friends for a time, but I finally decided it was too painful to keep up communication with her. I still think the world of her, but when she got married, I declined to go to the wedding. I knew I couldn’t handle that emotionally, watching the one girl I’ve ever wanted say “I do” to someone else. Just the thought of it reminds me of the feeling I had when I read the wedding invitation…like my heart was being ripped out from my chest. Maybe that sounds cliche, but it’s the truth.

Continue reading →

Stopped being gay?

14 Tuesday Jun 2011

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An interesting article in the Times:

… This will come as a shock to — among others — my male former partner of ten years, gay pals from my former media career, my rabidly heterosexual chums in the aviation industry and, not least, my family (who rather hoped I was going through a phase — albeit for about 20 years). Well, it’s come as a shock to me, too.

I once attended the nuptials of a gay male friend to a girl with whom he had unexpectedly fallen head over heels in love. It was a curious affair: the wedding party was peopled with his ex-lovers — including me, the best man and even the vicar. There is a risk that a wedding guest list of mine could have the same casting issues.

Read the rest here. Thoughts on the entire article?