21 Monday Nov 2011
Posted in Personal
So…what does anyone/everyone think about the blog? I think it’s an easier to read interface, but it still features the wonderful banner designed by Aaron Gardner, fellow blogger at A Great Work. Couldn’t really give that up…it’s awesome. 🙂
21 Monday Nov 2011
One of my systematics professors was out of town at ETS and I didn’t have to teach because I did overtime at the school this past week getting ready for the Fall Concert, so I was able to take off on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Â I actually took a sabbath on those days and relaxed.
I know a sabbath is supposed to be exactly that, but I still feel guilty that I didn’t get all of my laundry done. Or my room cleaned. Or dishes done. Or much of anything, really.
I tend not to ever really take a break. I tend to always have something else to do. And to not be doing something is basically being lazy. This is, after all, the way I was raised. How do I know when to work hard and when to shrug it off? My culture, sub-culture, and disposition do not really provide me with answers.
Not sure if I’m really rested from my sabbath…but I’m no worse for the wear, either.
24 Monday Oct 2011
Posted in Personal
Tags
dating, experience, friendship, Gospel, homosexuality, insecurity, loneliness, relationships, sanctification, sexuality
There sort of is. I’ve taken a wonderful young lady out on several dates in the last month and a half or so. I enjoy being with her and she seems to enjoy being with me. She not only endured watching Metropolis at my house a couple months ago–she actually seemed to like it. (Artsy and fun? Whodathunkit??)
I want to do right by her. I want to see if my affections continue to grow. She loves Jesus, is really smart, sensitive, sassy, and seems to be able to shoulder my opinionatedness. (I don’t think that’s a word, but if the Germans can take a bunch of words or word parts and string them together, I can too.)
I got a text message from a good friend of mine who has liked me for a very long time. I’d lay odds he is waiting around for my theology to change so he can date me. I told him that I was dating a girl and that I needed to explore this relationship. The response I received was something along the lines of we both know how this will turn out. I replied, Do we? I’ve been in love with a girl before…why not again? I didn’t get a response. I’m not here to psychologize why I did or didn’t get a reply to that; instead, I’m here to say that I’m getting some push-back from my gay friends now that I’m considering seriously dating a girl. Continue reading
03 Wednesday Aug 2011
Posted in Personal
I was reading this article on The Gospel Coalition blog by Matthew Barrett and wondering, will I ever be counted worthy for the joys of marriage? Is that even where my desires are?
I had a good conversation with a brother who wrestles with same-sex attraction who is married. We talked about the dating process and I seemed to get positive feedback on how I’m approaching the idea of going on dates to figure out if I like the girls I’m hanging out with in a variety of contexts.
See, I’ve liked a girl before…enough to desire to date her. If things had progressed, I’d have wanted to marry her. I didn’t just love her as a friend…I desired her in every sense of the word. Now, when you’ve never desired anyone physically who wasn’t male like yourself, you don’t really know what to do with that. But I pursued her quietly but persistently for four years and was shot down each time. We remained friends for a time, but I finally decided it was too painful to keep up communication with her. I still think the world of her, but when she got married, I declined to go to the wedding. I knew I couldn’t handle that emotionally, watching the one girl I’ve ever wanted say “I do” to someone else. Just the thought of it reminds me of the feeling I had when I read the wedding invitation…like my heart was being ripped out from my chest. Maybe that sounds cliche, but it’s the truth.
22 Friday Jul 2011
Tags
culture, homosexuality, leadership, loneliness, relationships, repentance, Scripture, sexuality, theology, witnessing
This morning, an Australian pastor I follow on Twitter asked me two questions about homosexuality because he’s going to be talking about it to his congregation. So I dashed off this email prior to hitting the gym this morning.
1. As a Christian who has same-sex attraction, what are some of your challenges that you face in your daily life?
Because of my orientation, I develop crushes on guys. This should be no surprise, since guys have crushes on and are attracted to girls all the time…and girls, the same with guys. Two things happen: internally, it’s hard to escape condemnation, especially when the guys I’m attracted to are godly men and that’s one of the reasons I like them in the first place. Externally, it’s difficult to be open about just the reality of the crush situation because I fear that it will push away men in my life who will fear that I’ll crush on them at some point, instead of trusting that I can sort it out in community and with God’s help in my sanctification.
I’ve been bullied by other Christians in a couple of ways. Once, I was slandered by a fellow church-member who thought that by telling the world on my mother’s facebook wall that I was a homosexual and that I’d lied to the elders in order to teach Sunday School and lead worship on Sunday mornings that somehow he’d scored a victory for the truth. The reality was that the elders had known I was gay but celibate and had allowed me to serve and lead because of my repentance. But since I’m not “out” everywhere on Facebook to all of my friends, it was hurtful. The man never did apologize and the elders didn’t take action. I left that church, of course.
13 Wednesday Jul 2011
Posted in Personal
One of the promises of the Gospel is that we will be conformed to the image of Christ. This is our sanctification and ordinarily looks like our disliking our sin progressively and loving the fact that we are being made holy by the Spirit of Christ. We look progressively like Him. It’s a little more complicated (read: a LOT more complicated) than getting better every day, but that’s sort of a general thrust of the thing.
Last night, I visited a bar and realized I wasn’t very happy while I was there. I was conscious of my inadequacies and my lust. I wanted almost nothing to do with homosexuality, while at the same time wanting everything to do with it. And, as we know, a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. So there was a lot of tension last night between what I wanted and didn’t want, all at the same time.
12 Tuesday Jul 2011
Posted in Personal
I’m a very anxious person. When I’m with people, I am far less anxious. But when I’m alone, the solitude either allows me to see anxiety already there in my life or causes, in some measure, the anxiety I feel.
I’m anxious about school. I want to do well, especially in my summer Greek class, but I’m woefully unprepared for vocabulary quizzes. Instead, I spend the balance of my time translating which seems to be the translatable skill that I will actually use as a pastor since memorization is lost on me to the point that if Google Calendar doesn’t tell me I’ve got a meeting, then I don’t remember to go to it.
I’m concerned about relationships. Last night, I got frustrated with a friend who counseled someone not to bother reading the materials for one of our systematics classes simply because the readings aren’t quizzed. I don’t understand that…it seems lazy and a waste of time and money to not read those articles. But I chastised my friend in completely the wrong way and now I have to ask his forgiveness.
04 Monday Jul 2011
Tags
Because of recent events in my life, a few of the lines struck me with special force when I read this poem, originally posted by Scotty Smith.
(James Meikle, May 24, 1757)
All plenitude is in Christ, to answer all the needs
of His people. In Christ dwells all the fullness of
the Godhead bodily, that out of His fullness I may
receive all spiritual blessings!
14 Tuesday Jun 2011
Posted in Personal
An interesting article in the Times:
… This will come as a shock to — among others — my male former partner of ten years, gay pals from my former media career, my rabidly heterosexual chums in the aviation industry and, not least, my family (who rather hoped I was going through a phase — albeit for about 20 years). Well, it’s come as a shock to me, too.
I once attended the nuptials of a gay male friend to a girl with whom he had unexpectedly fallen head over heels in love. It was a curious affair: the wedding party was peopled with his ex-lovers — including me, the best man and even the vicar. There is a risk that a wedding guest list of mine could have the same casting issues.
Read the rest here. Thoughts on the entire article?
08 Wednesday Jun 2011
Gay and Evangelical 
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