An interesting article in the Times:
… This will come as a shock to — among others — my male former partner of ten years, gay pals from my former media career, my rabidly heterosexual chums in the aviation industry and, not least, my family (who rather hoped I was going through a phase — albeit for about 20 years). Well, it’s come as a shock to me, too.
I once attended the nuptials of a gay male friend to a girl with whom he had unexpectedly fallen head over heels in love. It was a curious affair: the wedding party was peopled with his ex-lovers — including me, the best man and even the vicar. There is a risk that a wedding guest list of mine could have the same casting issues.
Read the rest here. Thoughts on the entire article?
joel schafer said:
That would be interesting
This was quite an interesting article. I have read other similar things before.
I guess on the one hand I am encouraged. I have wondered before that if the Christian pop-psychology view of homosexuality is correct then surely, occasionally a few non-Christians will accidentally become emotionally whole and be able to pursue a woman. I’ve also wondered it personally; if in six years of dealing with it; I can experience a decline in my attraction to males and definitely a change from sexual to emotional surely gay guys end up on the same path as they mature. So I have no problems with it.
On the flipside I find this kind of thing can trivilise it. It’s taken him a long time to get to this point and I would hate someone to read this and then place a burden of expectation on a 20-year-old and think they should be able to achieve the same thing in a few weeks.
The other thing is it makes me weirdly uncomfortable. I think it reminds me of a unhealthy attachment to considering myself same sex attracted. Honestly, if God switched me straight tomorrow part of me, maybe even a large part, would be disappointed. I have invested a lot in being SSA and to have that part of my identity torn away would cause some distress. This shows me that I need to be less entangled in my SSA even as I deal with it and try to help others dealing with it.
Jason Oliver said:
I find this article interesting. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of a gay man, after many years, become attracted to women without some external influence like so-called reparative therapy.
Also, I think those of us Christians who are SSA need to be mindful about how much stock we put into identifying ourselves by our sexual identities. Our identities (i.e. who we are) ought to be rooted in Christ. regardless of our sexual orientation. We are God’s children. If some of us become sexually attracted to members of the other sex without losing the attraction for members of the same sex, we should be encouraged to know that God is not surprised nor keeping score. All human beings will have desires, proclivities, orientations of various types which the Creator never intended for us to have. That’s what Paul means by the “flesh.” The wonderful thing about the Gospel is that in Christ we are free to live according to the power of the Spirit a lives that is pleasing to God because of what Christ has done for us. Christ in us, via the Spirit, works within to conform our desires, minds, and wills to the will of the Father.
God knows I get weak at times and I need is strength to endure bouts of loneliness. When I remind myself of his Word that it is the Spirit who sanctifies us (knowing its a life-long work), I find peace in the midst of emotional storms. Take courage, brothers!
I think situations and scenarios like this are much more common than we may actually ever see, understand or hear about personally. My first boyfriend of over 8 years is now in love and married to a great girl. They have a beautiful son and I have no doubt that they are truly in love and happily married.
Sexual identity, desires and eventual relationships and love continue to be very fluid for some all of their lives while others may inhabit and live in a space that requires no questions or shift in practice or belief.
I think it takes a lot of courage for a person to realize that things may be changing in their heads and hearts and then make the decisions that could bring them further peace and happiness in the present and the future.
The only thing I would urge caution in when reading of such stories and experiences is to not attach too much sentiment or religious baggage to it all. It is one man’s experience in his own journey and should not be construed into some “success story” that may hold out false hope to those who are more solid and singular in our romantic and physical lives. I love who I am and do not hope or wish for some “change” in order to appease others and their ideas of a moral code.
Good article! Will pass along, if only for a good conversation starter. Peace on ya, man!
College Jay said:
Sexuality is fluid. I don’t think one has to attach any emotional or spiritual significance to it. Being attracted to a woman doesn’t mean you’re “emotionally whole.” I bristle at that kind of language, because I don’t like for same-sex attracted guys to feel like they’re less whole than heterosexual guys. We aren’t. We’re just different, that’s all. And I think that sexual fluidity is possible, but it’s also not really something that can be directed or forced.
Great thoughts, Jay. I too find it suspect when people talk about heterosexuality being related to ’emotional wholeness.’ I’ve met a great many straight men who are emotionally broken, but whose brokenness didn’t manifest in expressions of homosexuality.
Let me ask you: do you see homosexuality as being a by-product of the Fall?
A. C. Baker said:
In all honesty, please understand that I am treading VERY unfamiliar waters by commenting on this. However, I did read the article and was both encouraged and disgusted at the same time.
I won’t lie…I think homosexuality is abhorrent. I am straight and have no inclination to be otherwise. On the other hand, I can sympathize with anyone who has a crush on Jethro Gibbs and Jack Bauer 😉
But really, there was a total sense of mixed emotions as I read that piece because I could see so many red flags. I couldn’t help but wonder how things might have turned out had he been brought up in an atmosphere that taught biblical truth? Did he? I don’t know; but sexual promiscuity of the kind he described was nothing I have ever seen condoned in Scripture.
I am very aware of my parental duties to protect my children from physical, emotional, and spiritual harm…as much is possible. Because I know that Satan would seek to destroy my children before God could use them, I don’t allow them to get into situations which would provide a breeding ground for sex, drugs, violence, etc. Sure, if they wanted to they could run off and do what they want, but that doesn’t mean I have to promote a sexual lifestyle by, for instance, letting my girls dress like tramps and dropping them off, unchaperoned, at an all-teen party till midnight. Duh! What I am saying is where were the godly parents when this boy was fooling around in locker rooms and behind storage sheds? Who were they letting him hang around? Parents DO play a role in these things by what they permit.
Also, I couldn’t help but feel the pain of so many useless, unsatisfying, shallow relationships. God did not intend this for mankind. God did not intend sex to be something so cheap that it could be shared with anyone who wanted to have fun. That goes for gay OR straight.
But, in order to not keep rambling, I did particularly like one thing he said…”Would I be a good husband? I hope so. Would I keep faith? Well, I would try. The same siren voices to stray call to all men, all the time. I would be no different.”…This is an absolutely true statement. The same “voices” that call me to commit adultery are the same “voices” that call anyone to commit fornication.