If I am a Christian then how can I still want to be with a man? How can I look others in the face and tell them that they are wrong when I am living a life of sin myself? I know that you get upset with theses questions but this is really bothering me. Because I am still having feelings for guys and I don’t see a change in sight. I mean I could be wrong but as of now I don’t see my attractions changing.
It’s incredibly frustrating to become a Christian, be told that Christ is sufficient and then feel an insufficiency in what has been done because we have been lied to and told that our desires to sin will evaporate because we know Jesus now. Let me enumerate how I’ve come to terms with this, and perhaps others will have more input and discussion.
How can I look others in the face and tell them that they are wrong when I am living a life of sin myself?
Certainly, we should be living a holy life before God, but even if we are not, our testimony is not without validation because it speaks of events which are apart from us. The commands of God are not actualized in us; they were fulfilled in Christ. Even if I am unable to, in and of myself, cease lusting, I can still tell others that God says lust is a sin. Why? Because sin is not determined by what I’ve been able to stop doing, nor is my mandate from Christ to “preach the laws you’ve been able to keep.” In declaring a pattern of life to be sinful, we condemn ourselves in the process…and this is authentic, right and true.
But there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus: for the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:1-2). This is why Christ tells us in Luke 24 to preach repentance and the forgiveness of sins in Christ. The comfort we offer people in telling them of their sin is not, “Emulate me…I can do this or that…and the stuff I can’t do, God forgives.”
No! The comfort is that “I sin. I can’t pull this off at all…but God, being rich in mercy has made me alive together with Christ, killing sin’s power in my life and helping me to kill sin progressively (sanctification!) as I walk with Him, not having obtained perfection yet, but being assured that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
So even as a man who has watched many hours of porn in his life, masturbated lustfully since he was old enough to respond to such things physically, and who has desired even his friends sexually, I can declare God’s law to be righteous and good because it shows me my sin, brings me to the cross, and then at the cross, the gospel gives me a healing balm for my wretched sinfulness.
I am still having feelings for guys and I don’t see a change in sight. I mean I could be wrong but as of now I don’t see my attractions changing.
This is a depressing realization. I was just wondering aloud with a friend last night, “Will I ever find someone I can just love? Am I trapped in a life of one crush after another? I don’t think I can handle that.” And I’m not certain that I can handle that sort of life. But change is not what we’re striving for. We’re striving for sanctification through Christ’s work in our lives. This will bring about change of a sort: I mean, one doesn’t have Christ working in one’s life and simultaneously live a life devoid of any vestige of Fruit of the Spirit. At the same time, will we be disheartened about a lack in our lives when we’re told in Scripture that our seal by the Holy Spirit is dependant on nothing, save for Christ’s redemptive work on our behalf? This is a cause for rejoicing!
And, as a postscript, if someone is following Jesus because they thought that Jesus would make their life easier, or He would grant their dreams, or bring healing, that person is seeking the gift rather than the Giver…and they aren’t even looking for the REAL gift: right standing before a Holy God who is not only wrathful against sin, but loved them enough to redeem them even so by sending His Son to die in their place…then they are not following Jesus for the right reason.
Solution? Repent of wrong motives…and then believe the Gospel: Christ died even for that sin to bring you to the Father, spotlessly clothed in His righteousness. This news is infinitely better than Jesus making my life better, because it is not invalidated by my life sucking.