Tag Archives: relationships

Spending Time with Others

19 Friday Oct 2012

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Two days ago, I got to spend some time with some good friends at Buffalo Wild Wings watching the Cards game on FOX. It was quality programming, even if it did have a 3 1/2 hour rain delay. And we won!

At 7:30, I packed up my stuff and went to another friend’s house for the first time and did some reading for Church History. He has some of the same passions I do…we both nerd out on old books and love to talk about theology and liturgy. He and I talked about a wide variety of topics…and yes, we did study. But we had a great several hours to hang out and get to know each other better.

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Here Come the Grooms: Why Gay Marriage Will Be Legalized in the U. S.

10 Thursday May 2012

Posted by in Christianity, Politics

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Today’s post is by a guest blogger, W. Todd Weedman. He’s writing to fellow conservative Christians about why it’s our own fault that gay marriage will be legalized. You can contact him at w.todd.weedman [at] gmail [dot] com.

Do not be misled.  It really is our own fault.

Yesterday’s announcement that President Obama has officially changed his position (1) on the definition of marriage really is a milestone for the cause of the LGBT movement.  Though the decision itself is a “personal decision” for the president and therefore does not change anything legally, it does seem to change something about the argument.  This is the first time that a sitting president has expressed such a position, and that grants a new level of authority to the cause of gay marriage.

As the states gradually continue to assent to the legalization of gay marriage, it is going to be very easy for the church to point the finger of blame at the politicians, but ultimately this perversion of the institution of marriage is on our heads.

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Gospel Ministry in a Less-than-awesome Environment

03 Thursday May 2012

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In light of my previous post about an abusive church environment, at least one person has rightly pointed out that no one forced me to stay as long as I did. One of the reasons I stayed as long as I did was that there was work to do for the sake of the Gospel…and most of the work, I did alongside the very people who didn’t particularly want me there. But they, and I, wanted to see the Gospel go forth. They and I are creatures of inconsistency, and I have at least as many idols as most people–but probably more. Continue reading →

Discontent

02 Monday Apr 2012

Posted by in Personal, Scripture, Theology

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"For I am content..." (Philippians 4:11)

Sometimes I fear how God will teach me this lesson.

Today, a friend expressed a desire to move on to the next phase of life and ministry, saying he was tired of being a student and couldn’t wait to be done. I was frustrated because seminary is where God has called us. Why would we want to hurry God’s work? I sure don’t. And when I tried to point that out, it wasn’t well received. Maybe I said something wrongly.

I was sitting at a coffee shop a few days ago and really struggled to keep my mind on my work. Will temptation always be this strong? I wondered. I was sitting at another coffee shop today and thought, Yeah…if today is any indication, it will be.

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Suffering and the Gospel

04 Wednesday Jan 2012

Posted by in Theology

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I don’t always know whether or not at 29 if I’ve suffered “enough” to write about suffering and the Gospel. At the recommendation of several people (including one of the board members at the school which voted to have me resign), I am reading some Henri Nouwen on my Kindle. In his book, Turning My Mourning Into Dancing, he writes:

Suffering invites us to place our hurts in larger hands. In Christ we see God suffering-for us. And calling us to share in God’s suffering love for a hurting world. The small and even overpowering pains of our lives are intimately connected with the greater pains of Christ. Our daily sorrows are anchored in a greater sorrow and therefore a larger hope. Absolutely nothing in our lives lies outside the realm of God’s judgment and mercy.

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What if there was a girl?

24 Monday Oct 2011

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There sort of is. I’ve taken a wonderful young lady out on several dates in the last month and a half or so. I enjoy being with her and she seems to enjoy being with me. She not only endured watching Metropolis at my house a couple months ago–she actually seemed to like it. (Artsy and fun? Whodathunkit??)

I want to do right by her. I want to see if my affections continue to grow. She loves Jesus, is really smart, sensitive, sassy, and seems to be able to shoulder my opinionatedness. (I don’t think that’s a word, but if the Germans can take a bunch of words or word parts and string them together, I can too.)

I got a text message from a good friend of mine who has liked me for a very long time. I’d lay odds he is waiting around for my theology to change so he can date me. I told him that I was dating a girl and that I needed to explore this relationship. The response I received was something along the lines of we both know how this will turn out. I replied, Do we? I’ve been in love with a girl before…why not again? I didn’t get a response. I’m not here to psychologize why I did or didn’t get a reply to that; instead, I’m here to say that I’m getting some push-back from my gay friends now that I’m considering seriously dating a girl. Continue reading →

To Date or Not to Date?

03 Wednesday Aug 2011

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I was reading this article on The Gospel Coalition blog by Matthew Barrett and wondering, will I ever be counted worthy for the joys of marriage? Is that even where my desires are?

I had a good conversation with a brother who wrestles with same-sex attraction who is married. We talked about the dating process and I seemed to get positive feedback on how I’m approaching the idea of going on dates to figure out if I like the girls I’m hanging out with in a variety of contexts.

See, I’ve liked a girl before…enough to desire to date her. If things had progressed, I’d have wanted to marry her. I didn’t just love her as a friend…I desired her in every sense of the word. Now, when you’ve never desired anyone physically who wasn’t male like yourself, you don’t really know what to do with that. But I pursued her quietly but persistently for four years and was shot down each time. We remained friends for a time, but I finally decided it was too painful to keep up communication with her. I still think the world of her, but when she got married, I declined to go to the wedding. I knew I couldn’t handle that emotionally, watching the one girl I’ve ever wanted say “I do” to someone else. Just the thought of it reminds me of the feeling I had when I read the wedding invitation…like my heart was being ripped out from my chest. Maybe that sounds cliche, but it’s the truth.

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Questions from a Pastor

22 Friday Jul 2011

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This morning, an Australian pastor I follow on Twitter asked me two questions about homosexuality because he’s going to be talking about it to his congregation. So I dashed off this email prior to hitting the gym this morning.

1. As a Christian who has same-sex attraction, what are some of your challenges that you face in your daily life?

Because of my orientation, I develop crushes on guys. This should be no surprise, since guys have crushes on and are attracted to girls all the time…and girls, the same with guys. Two things happen: internally, it’s hard to escape condemnation, especially when the guys I’m attracted to are godly men and that’s one of the reasons I like them in the first place. Externally, it’s difficult to be open about just the reality of the crush situation because I fear that it will push away men in my life who will fear that I’ll crush on them at some point, instead of trusting that I can sort it out in community and with God’s help in my sanctification.

I’ve been bullied by other Christians in a couple of ways. Once, I was slandered by a fellow church-member who thought that by telling the world on my mother’s facebook wall that I was a homosexual and that I’d lied to the elders in order to teach Sunday School and lead worship on Sunday mornings that somehow he’d scored a victory for the truth. The reality was that the elders had known I was gay but celibate and had allowed me to serve and lead because of my repentance. But since I’m not “out” everywhere on Facebook to all of my friends, it was hurtful. The man never did apologize and the elders didn’t take action. I left that church, of course.

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Do Not Love the World?

26 Thursday May 2011

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Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world— the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

–1 John 2:15-17, ESV

And yet again, I’m struck by the way the Scriptures read me. They say things about me that I would never want anyone to know.

The desires of the flesh, desires of the eyes, and pride in possessions–these are my sins. Obviously, they aren’t my only sins. Still, they represent a large quantity of the presence of sin in my life. And with one mind, double-mindedly, I want those things and I want them removed. I find myself in the classical Pauline Dilema, a la Romans 7 all over again. That which I do not want to do, I do. That which I want to do, I do not.

I see things…and I want them. I see a nice set of furniture…an expensive turntable…a nicer car. By grace I’m learning to want Christ more.

I desire physical touch (even inappropriate touch) and sometimes it’s an idolatrous desire. Physical touch isn’t bad, nor do I think I have to somehow deprive myself of it for aesthetic reasons. Simply put, I crave it more than I want God’s design for me, which is chastity (since I’m single).

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Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

30 Wednesday Mar 2011

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This article originally appeared here as a guest post for the GrowUp318 blog. Thanks to Heather for the encouragement and the privilege of writing a piece for her blog.

When the word homosexuality is mentioned in a Christian context, most of the responses one receives will be negative. Gays are usually talked about as “those sinners out there.” But not all who are gay are outside of the purview of the Church. (And by gay, I’m talking about all those who experience homosexual temptation, whether or not they routinely give in to those temptations.) This may not be self-evident to all who read this, so it should probably be said: gay people are among us. They serve on our committees, sing in our choirs, give us financial advice, teach our Sunday School classes, and play instruments in our services to lead us in worship.

Some of them are fully convinced that acting on their attractions would be the unforgiveable sin. Others are doing their best to keep their ‘baser desires’ in check so they won’t be invalidated for ministry. Others are off-the-radar simply because they’re between relationships, but would want a relationship with the same sex if the right one presented itself. So what is to be done with such a wide divide? And how should we as Bible-believing Christians respond?

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